Saturday, April 19, 2008

Choosing to Trust

When I had my doctor's appointment last week, the doctor confirmed what we've already known - that Elias is running big for his gestation, and if he goes all the way to his due date or beyond, he could be REALLY big. So the doctor was pretty pushy about wanting me to be open to the idea of inducing or even considering an elective c-section if the baby gets too big. This goes completely against what I want to do - I've always believed that the baby would come when he is ready and I'm not going to make him come before that. But the doctor said some pretty scary things that could happen if the baby is too big and doesn't fit through my pelvic bone, and he got me kind of upset and worried about it. So after spending a few days pondering and praying about the situation, here's how I feel about it:

God is in control, and I trust Him completely.

God is the one who put this baby in my womb. He formed all his little parts and breathed life into him. God knew his name before I did, and He has numbered all the days of his life. God loves Elias even more than I do, and He wants what is best for him.

Not only this, but God made me. He created my body to be the exact size that it is, and He placed in my body the ability to carry a pregnancy and give birth to a child. He loves me completely and wants what is best for me.

As amazing as the science of obstetrics is in our world today, we still just don't have the technology to be able to accurately predict exactly when a baby's "due date" is, how big he is in the womb at each stage of development, how big he will be when he is born, or whether or not he will fit through his mother's body in the birthing process. We have enough technology to make guesses, but they're very rarely completely accurate.

However, there is Someone who knows exactly what Elias' birth day will be, how big he is now, how big he will be when he is born, and whether or not he will fit. In fact, this Someone not only knows all these things, but He is the one who decided them in the first place. Since I believe that God is a good and loving God who created both me and Elias and wants what is best for us, I believe He will make our process of birthing to be the best it can possibly be for us. If He does allow some kind of complication to occur, I trust Him with that. I will still do all I can to take care of myself and Elias in order to control what I can about the process, but I know that the outcome is completely in God's hands, and I wouldn't want them anywhere else. So as we wait to learn what Elias' birth day will be and how big he will be, I choose not to worry about any complications. God is good and will give us the grace to have exactly the birthing that He wants us to have.

I'd appreciate your prayers that I can continue to trust God and resist the temptation to worry! (And if you want to offer up any prayers that Eli comes early or doesn't grow too big, you're welcome to do that too!) :)


Jessica said...

My second doctor, who encouraged natural childbirth, said he'd seen women successfully birth 11-12 pound babies naturally. I think "too big" is a matter of perspective and one doctor's opinion shouldn't determine yours.

You are thinking the right way. May God fill your soul with peace.

Anonymous said...

I believe that God uses doctors to guide us to do what is best. Why else would there be doctors?

Joni said...

I'm not at all trying to disrespect doctors or the medical profession. But doctors are still humans, their knowledge is not perfect and they're not infallible. Only God has perfect knowledge and never makes a mistake. This doctor was very clearly coming with a very strong set of personal biases against natural childbirth, and he told me that the other doctors in the practice would probably all tell me different things. I'm just saying that I'm not going to let what MIGHT go wrong scare me away from trusting God with the outcome of my birthing process.

Mollie said...

A note of encouragement! A good friend of ours was told by her doctor that her baby was already big, etc, but when the sweet little one was born she weighed just over 6 pounds! She was tiny!!
I think of a gospel song that says "whose report will you believe? We shall believe the report of the Lord". God knows how big Elias is and He will take care of you both!!!! (by the way, I feel the same way about inducing! I REALLY don't want to go that route!)