So now that we're getting close to D-Day and I'm getting huge, I've started getting people asking me, "So, are you ready?" Some even put it more as a statement like "Wow, I bet you sure are ready for him to be born!" I guess the norm is that a woman as pregnant as I am is uncomfortable enough to want the baby to come on outta there. However, that is just not the case for me. I am completely loving being pregnant, and I'm almost reluctant for it to end. I'll miss feeling him kick and feeling him get the hiccups. I'll miss being able to just sit and watch my belly jump and twitch when the little man is active. I'll miss the way people always have an extra smile for me in public, and the way complete strangers seem to just want to be nicer to me.
I know, I know. Being a mother is going to be an immensely rewarding blessing, and I AM looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to seeing his face and looking into his eyes. I'm looking forward to cuddling and breastfeeding and rocking and singing. I'm looking forward to being trusted and needed the way only a mother can be. I think what I'm most looking forward to is seeing Justin as a daddy. I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about that.
But at the same time, I'm pretty scared about it all. It's going to be a BIG change and a BIG responsibility. How could a person ever actually think they're "ready" to become a parent for the first time?! I guess I just feel like I LIKE being pregnant, and I know how to handle the unpleasant things about it. And now just when I'm liking it and getting used to it all, it has to end and I have to learn another whole set of skills! I guess I'm not really worried that it will be too hard or that I won't be able to do it - it's just the change, the unknown that has me scared. I have no idea what it's going to be like. But I do believe that God has already put in me the mothering instinct that will tell me how to care for my baby, and I believe that He will enable both Justin and I to have the grace and strength and patience to endure the adjustment period. I also know that I have lots of good resources in my family and friends to help whenever we need it!
So although I KNOW everything is going to be fine, I'm still a long way from being able to say I'm "ready" for the change. No matter whether I'm ready or not, he's going to come when he comes and that'll be it! Not really any choice on whether or not I can just stay pregnant indefinitely... And who knows? Maybe in another couple of weeks, I WILL be more uncomfortable and "ready" for him to come out no matter what!!!